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Bangkokrecorder Magazine -
Bangkok Art
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Friday, 09 September 2005 |
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Who better to talk about film piracy than a blistering-barnacles-arrgh-me-mateys pirate? Bangkokrecorder’s Captain Nana jumps on board to expound his gems on fake films…  Captain Nana
We’ll first drop anchor in Hollywood, California. Feast yer eyes on the pearl of the sunshine state. The edge of Western Civilization, w’ere dreams are made an’ shatter’d at the drop of a skull cap. ‘ere be w’ere many of the world’s most expensive movies are made. Look over t’ere! E! Entertainment News be interviewin’ Russell Crow! I admir’d his work in Master and Commander. His representation be quite accurate of a life at sea. Argh, but I digress.
The major studios have a big problem on their hands, an’ I’m not talkin’ about the calluses ye gets from swabbin’ the deck thrice daily fer many years. Nay, it’s movie piracy. It comes in many forms an’ it threatens ta force Hollywood ta walk the plank, lest the vermin change their ways on internet downloadin’. Which leads me ta our next port of call, just a few clicks up the Pacific seaboard, Silicon Valley.
That’s right, Silicon valley. What does this have ta do with piracy, ye ask? Why, ye aren’t the strongest sail on the mast, says I. Silicon valley be the place w’ere the internet was brought ta life. This connect’d the world an’ made it possible fer a 12-year-old lad in Calcutta ta easily chat with a scallywag of similar stature in San Francisco. It’s part of the information revolution, an’ it’s changin’ the world fer better or worse. But the Internet isn’t just fer the exchange of ideas. Oh nay, me dim-witt’d friend. It be fer stealin’ as well. Ye people ta’day call it file “swappin’” or “sharin’” but we pirates call it “hornswagglin’.” That same chap in Calcutta can change ideas, but also exchange movie files with the little Indian picaroon. That be what makes the movie execs shake in the boots, laddie. Fer ye see, people like ta watch movies. An’, people don’t like ta pay fer things. So what if t’ere be a little magic box that ye could plug inta a lil’ hole an’ get the movies fer free? Would ye be partakin’? Nay? Copyright laws are sacrosanct? Argh! Ye be nothing but a law-abidin’ bilge rat. Let’s lift anchor again an’ travel ta the Orient, w’ere piracy be taken ta a whole other rung.
Let’s drop anchor in the lan’ o’ piracy -- China. It be ‘ere that many of the finest pirated movies are creat’d an’ shipp’d the world over. An’ have ye seen the English subtitles? T’is a fine representation of our wonderful language. Look over t’ere. A factory churnin’ out freshly mint’d copies of Herbie Reloaded for the thievin’ scoundrels of all the lands. What’s that ye say? Herbie Reloaded be still in the theaters? Hardy har! Most often movies made ‘ere in Shanghai are out before the movies hit the theaters worldwide.
Come along matey, we have one more stop on our piracy world tour -- beautiful Patpong, w’ere the Bangkok tourists voyage ta get a taste of real Asian entertainment. Look t’ere. Nay, not the police officer illegally stoppin’ motorists an’ askin’ fer money. Why, that old sea-calf sellin’ the movies along the road. It’s merchants like he who’ve taken upon the task of dispensin’ China’s great export – fake goods. Come along and see the virtual treasure trove of great Hollywood hits. An’ with prices this low, who can resist? 150 baht fer The Wedding Planner? Argh, I’ve sunk ta pirate heaven and taken J-Lo with me!
So t’ere ye go. A worldwide piracy tour wrap’d up in a mere few words. Now scuttle along ta America an’ tell the government an’ the Hollywood execs a few important things. The demand be ‘ere. The technology be ‘ere. The prices be low an’ the accessibility increasin’. As ye can see, movie piracy will be a menace fer quite a while longer. How will ye put an end it? Ye can’t, says I. Take hold of the technology of the Internet or give us a reason not ta steal. That be yer only solution. Now pardon me hasty exit, for I must return to Bangkok and join the rest of me crew ta wander the alleys Sukhumvit in search of Thai booty. Argh!
by Eric Taylor
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